WARNING, do not repeat any of the acts I describe here. They were stupid and dangerous and could have resulted in serious injury or death. This is a true personal account of how I got involved with bdsm and electric play as an ignorant person blind to the deadliness of my homemade toys. It was extremely stupid and dangerous and I could have killed myself multiple times. I am not posting this as any form of encouragement to others and I would discourage everyone from starting down this path especially at an early age.

I am a grown adult now but got into bdsm, electric play, and self bondage on my own early in life with absolutely no influence from anyone else. Until posting this story to the net it has been a complete and dark secret of mine. It is a bad idea to say what exact age I started but let’s just say it was the very beginning of puberty.

I was playing with an instructional electronics kit and made a mistake involving a relay and an audio transformer and produced a square-wave ac signal. I touched the transformer output by mistake and felt a shock. The feeling immediately captured my interest so I explored further by touching two wires to various parts of my body. Fortunately, I knew enough safety to not do anything stupid like connect a circuit across the heart. After playing with feet, legs and butt cheeks i tried sticking one wire up my ass and touching the other one just on the outside. With the contact area of single bare wires being so small the sensation was instant pinpoint burning pain. I didn’t like that right away but I knew there had to be something worth further investigation.

The first step in my exploration was to go from a mistake to a serious electro shock circuit. I used a simple relay interrupter hooked up to pulse into a transformer. The frequency was too high at first and produced a tickle buzzy kind of feeling. I added a capacitor across the relay to slow it down. After playing with different values I got the frequency down to about 50hz which caused the most powerful muscle contractions. The overall sensation wasn’t strong enough so I found ways to produce more output. More batteries helped and the audio transformer was very small so I pulled a larger one out of a broken radio. That made it all too strong so I added a variable resistor adjust the output intensity.

Next, it was time to build and test various electrodes to see what they felt like. Larger surface area contacts produced less burning and more of a deeper shock than small contacts. Also, if one electrode was large and the other was small then all of the sensation of shock would come from the smaller side. It was fun to place a large foil contact on each butt cheek and cause powerful contractions. From internal anal experimentation, I found that the greatest sensitivity and muscle response was only 1/2 to 1 inch inside. I placed an electrode deep inside thinking it would be better and more sensitive but it didn’t do much even with full power. With low power there was no feeling at all and on higher settings it just produced a weird sick nauseous ache inside that made me want to throw up. It wasn’t very fun and I was worried I would damage some internal organ and abandoned the deep stuff. Back to the outer regions of the anus I discovered that two circular electrodes around the probe produced pain but not much in the way of contractions. Side-by-side contacts running front to back caused a powerful response. Using the large transformer and touching the battery to it manually for just one shock pulse caused a contraction hard enough to jerk my whole lower body around.

It is hard to remember or describe exactly what I first liked about doing this. The sensations were just so addictive. It was unexplainable but I just liked this specific kind of pain from electricity and liked it best in my anus and nowhere else. I wanted more of it and I could not be stopped. I kept getting used to the shock level and wanting a more and more powerful sensation. I started adding more batteries and an even bigger transformer. The circuit was finally capable of an output level so high I could not work up the raw nerve to turn the resistor all the way down.

Again I got used to this and after a while I got bored with all of the things I could do to myself willingly. I wanted to feel out of control and push my limits of pain so I hooked an off switch up to a wind-up mechanical timer to produce a timed shock. I would try to just lay still and take it until the timer ran out but any level of shock I could start with would become too small after a while so I had to keep reaching over and turning up the shock to get more effect. That was fixed by hooking up a second timer to the variable resistor so the intensity would start out very small and automatically build up to maximum. It was exciting because the resistor didn’t always move smoothly and sometimes there would be big sudden jumps in shock level. After I no longer needed my hands to adjust the device I started to tie myself up somewhat to pretend I was stuck in place. At first I would always test it out first briefly at maximum with the electrode in my ass and make sure I could really tolerate it full strength before I started it up. Eventually that got boring too and I wanted true surprise. I started adding an extra battery and starting the timers without knowing how strong it was going to be when the resistor reached zero. Again it was not enough because even with all the timers there was still some level of control since i could always just reach over and turn it off any time. I wanted total loss of control combined with helpless submission to an unknown amount of pain.

This was the point where it became a true twisted obsession even at such a young age. I was addicted to this exact type of anal pain and nothing else would turn me on. I didn’t even learn to masturbate until after I started playing with electricity and now I was so jaded I couldn’t pleasure myself one bit without it. Here is the kind of extreme self-bondage scene I was into less than a year after starting down this path:

I would start by hot-melt gluing a 1 1/2 inch diameter, 6-inch long dual-contact electrode into my ass so it wouldn’t fall out when I thrashed around. Hot melt glue wont stick to the inside smooth skin of the rectum but it will stick to the outer butt cheeks. I didn’t have any hair in that region yet but if I did it would have pulled it off for sure. The burning of the melted glue against my skin was like an exciting teaser for all the pain about to come. The glue kept it in there pretty good but not enough to prevent removal so I also used a harness of metal cable threaded through a hole in the end of the probe and secured with a lock.

The power source was very advanced now. It had a delayed start timer, measured shock duration timer, and automatic power level increase timer. It sat 6 feet away from the bed and locked into a desk drawer. The heavy power cable was taken from a thick outdoor extension cord and ran out and over to the bed and around a bed post several times to prevent any pulling from removing it from the shock source. From there it ran up onto the bed and into the probe in my ass. It was tied to the metal cable harness very well to prevent being pulled out of the probe. My feet were tied spread eagle to the bed posts with just a bit of slack and there was a restraint pulling one hand over my head using a combination lock and stretching out fully. I kept the other hand free to masturbate but made sure there was no way using all of my strength it could ever remove the electrode or free myself.

The room was pitch dark but there was a light on a regular wall timer set to turn on just after the session was completed. Once I closed that combination lock on my hand there was absolutely no return because I could not see the dial in the dark. Sometimes I hesitated a second or two but never failed to click that lock shut and seal my fate for the next hour.

It was an unbelievable feeling just waiting there in the dark anticipating what was about to happen. Adrenaline pumping in my veins and my heart beating fast. Counting out the seconds and listening to the muffled sound of timers ticking away in the drawer wondering when it would start. Questions dancing in my mind like how long until the power level built up to pain and exactly how much shock was i going to get this time when the resistor reached zero and let the full unrestricted shock flow into my anus? Did I set the timers right and what if the off switch didn’t work this time?

When the shock started it was always just a small tickle at first but the sexual excitement was undeniable. After about 6 minutes it went from tickle to slight pain and I started to masturbate. The charge slowly increased and the feeling was pure pleasure so strong I’d get a ringing in my ears. It was a careful timed sort of masturbation. If I came too fast then I wouldn’t get the full effect of the shock but if I waited too long the pain would get so high it would halt the pleasure dead in its tracks. After the orgasm hit me and started to fade, the shock-induced pleasure that was my friend would turn against me and become all pain without pleasure. Still, the timer on the resistor ticked down, slowly but monotonously turning up the voltage bit by bit with the occasional small jump as the resistor stuck a bit as it rotated. Just a few minutes more and it hurt so bad I twisted around in bed straining at the restraints in vain. It was no fun now, why did I do this to myself? … and it was too late to ask now. My mind racing over escape plans but nothing, I was just too thorough for my own good. I couldn’t stop it no matter what I did. My whole ass was on fire now, muscles clenching, agony ripping through my rectum. I used a homemade gag (also locked into my mouth with a metal cable) to prevent screaming out loud and would end up panting through my nostrils as fast as possible because of the pain. Still the level of shock increased and now the pain seemed to extend out from my rectum into my whole pelvis. Maybe it took my breath away so much I could not even have screamed without the gag even if I tried because I was truly gasping for air as quickly as possible just to survive. There was no way of knowing how much time was left or if the power was all the way up yet. How can you even begin to keep track of time when you are crazed senseless with so much pain. It just went on and on like that for about 40 more minutes while I cried continuous silent tears and sometimes convulsed helplessly knowing there was absolutely no escape from pain until the timer ran out and this was all my own doing.

That was the exact mental feeling I grew addicted to, being helpless in pain from my own actions and I had perfected a way of achieving it on my own any time I wanted it. When the shock timer finally finished ticking down it would turn off the shock and my body collapsed like a rag doll. Maybe a minute or two later the light timer activated and lit the room so I could see to undo the lock on my hand. It was hard to do with the pain still so strong my fingers would be weak and shaking making mistakes while trying to dial the combination. I would look down and see my whole body so dripping with sweat that I had soaked an outline of a myself into the sheet. I was prepared with water in my room to rehydrate. In a weird way I was proud that I was able to do this thing to myself like I had achieved something worthy of praise but also so embarrassing it was impossible to share with any other person.

Sleep never mattered to me, when I got the craving. Sometimes I would repeat the whole process three times in a single night. I had this unreachable fantasy of going further and forcing myself to take it in one big dose until I lost consciousness. I got aroused just picturing myself laying unconscious on the bed but still jerking around from the shocks. I never did find a way to reach that point on my own.

Eventually, I realized this path of increasing risk and pain was leading to something permanent and bad. My will to survive is strong, so I quit cold-turkey and pushed it all deep into the back of my mind. I blend in perfectly now, just another boring vanilla middle class member of the masses doing everything the same way as everyone else. Breaking out for just a second to share this once secret story with you.

-The end-