I got out of the hospital six months ago. The doctors had stopped the bleeding and wrapped my wrists in bandages. When I recovered the doctors wanted me to see a shrink. My mother had no insurance to pay for that and she didn’t want me to see one anyway. I suppose she was afraid I would tell him how she had abused me, degraded me and wanted me out of her life.” You’re 18 now, little bitch, and as soon as school is out I want you out of my house.”

I could hardly wait. “ And I’ll give you some advice for when you do get out. Don’t go pulling down your panties every time you see a slob breathing hard. Men are all the same. All they want a woman for is to have a hole to push their harpoon in. Eventually they’ll give you a disease or get you to swell up with something growing inside you. Then they walk away to find another hole to shoot their wad in. That’s all they care about. Give my prick a little relief and then go to hell.” 

I had been hearing that same line as far back as I can remember. She seemed to hate men and what they did with women but she didn’t exactly practice what she preached. For as long as I can remember she had a stream of men visiting nights, leaving her a little cash on the way out When .I was just a little kid without even buds for tits, once in a while when I was sitting watching TV, one of them would unzip his pants, take out his cock and say something like, “Would you like some of this?” My mom would laugh and say something like ”She’d think it was a piece of fruit and try to eat it.” I would just scrunch down in my chair, turn scarlet and wonder what was so wonderful about shoving that big thing into my mother’s cunt. 

Everyone has memories. Mine are all in twisted black. Not even grays. Just the blackest of black. Never did I have a friend. When I was four or five I started to play with a girl at the city park. She seemed to like me but as soon as her mother saw I playing with her daughter, she called her daughter over and said that we don’t play with people like her. The same was true with every other girl I met and wanted to play with. The mother’s would never let them play with me. One day a little boy and I were playing in the sand and the mother came over and grabbed him by the arm, pulled him away and said,” Get away from her. You want to get a disease?”

I was called ugly so much I thought it was my first name. But in fourth grade they started calling me something else. One day in class the teacher called me to the front of the room and ask me to recite a poem the class had been memorizing. I stood in front of the class, looked down at all the faces looking up at me , my palms sweating and when I tried to to speak nothing would come out. My knees were shaking and my face was scarlet. As the seconds passed, I clenched my fists and suddenly I started leaking , pissing on the floor. The class broke out in laughter and after that they called me stinko. After wetting the floor my mother was called to come and get me. I knew what was coming and as soon as we were inside the house she took the strap and gave me a good beating. It was the same strap she always used on me whenever I did something she didn’t like.

My 18th birthday came and went. No present, no recognition, just a celebratory remark. ”It’s finally come. Now you can move out and I’m no longer responsible for you. I’d invite you to stay and bring in a little more cash but you’re so ugly men would pay me to keep you away from them.” Mom always made me feel good.

June came. Prom time. Graduation time. Party time. Of course no one asked me to the prom. I had never been out with a boy. They treated me as though I didn’t exist. I was invisible. The girls too. Only they were worse I was never asked to any of their parties, never went on a girl’s sleep over, never ate lunch with them. I would eat in the school cafeteria all alone, hunched over, trying to disappear. No one had anything to do with me. Only sometimes I could hear the girls giggle at me behind my back or a boy make a lewd remark like “Wonder if she will ever grow tits?” Other than that I was a total non-entity in our school. There was no fun in my life and the only pleasure I had was lying in bed at night dancing my fingers over my pussy and rubbing my tits, pretending it was some macho boy wanting me. Any wonder why I tried to kill myself?

I was never very good in school. I just got by but I did graduate. After the graduation ceremonies most of the grads went to the nearby lake. Then they’d drink beer all day long and all go skinny dipping. It was a school tradition, a rite of passage’ so nobody tried to stop them. Parents didn’t exactly approve of what they knew would be going on but there wasn’t anything they could do to stop it. All the mothers could do was warn their daughters , “If you’re going to perform be sure you make the boy wear a condom.” 

I went home and packed to get out of my mother’s house by the end of the month.
A few days later I was walking down the street headed for the drug store when a speeding car suddenly screeched to a halt next to me. Three boys were sitting in a gorgeous convertible. I recognized them immediately. They were the big studs from the football team that all the girls wanted to fuck. “Hi there,” one of them said, “Sally, isn’t it?

I looked at him. He was beautiful. “ Sandy, “ I said.

“Well, whatever. Hop in Sandy. It’s hot today. We’re going to cool off. “

I looked at the three of them. No boy from school ever spoke to me except to say get out of the way or make a lewd remark. I thought to myself “ What the hell,” and got into the back seat.

“We’re going up to Mike’s aunt’s house. She’s got a great pool in her back yard.”

We got there in no time and went into the back yard. They stripped and turned toward me. When they looked at me all three of their pricks began to grow bigger and bigger. My God. I was astounded. Me. I could have that kind of effect on boys? Ugly me. I just stood and stared at their huge cocks. I caused that? Little Miss ugly. A minor miracle. Finally a little recognition.

“Come on, Sidney.. ah Sandy. Get your clothes off and jump in the pool.”

“I can’t” I said “I’m having that monthly thing, if you know what I mean.”

“ Bull shit, “ Rod said. “You’re faking. You’re our only piece of ass we have for the day. Check her out Chuck.”

Chuck walked over to me, pulled up my skirt and pulled down my panties. “ She ain’t kidding, laddies.
She’s well padded down there.”

“Shit,” Chuck said. “We picked the wrong one.”

Well, I decided, I’m not going to be of any use to any of them. But at least they wanted me. That thought lifted my spirits. I went over and sat on a lawn chair.

The three of them frolicked around in the water for about a half hour when the back door of the house opened and a beautiful young woman stepped out carrying a tray of drinks She set them down on the table
“Here’s a drink for you guys,” she called. As the three boys got out of the pool their cocks started to swell again as they gazed on the woman whom I guessed was about 30. 

“Hi, Auntie, what you got for us.” Said Chuck.

She looked at them.”Not what you want, I’m afraid .I see you guys came well armed. Or maybe armed is the wrong word. How about you came with your fishing poles ready to catch something.” 

“Yeah, but there is nothing here to catch.”

Then she looked over where I was sitting, “I see you brought a toy… or should I say fish.?

“Oh that’s Sukkie” Chuck said “ She’s from school.”

“Sandie,” I said

“ How come Sandy isn’t swimming with you guys? Is she bashfull”

“Naw, she’s got that monthly thing, you know.”

She laughed. “My, My’ Guess you guys are out of luck. Well she seems to have nice thick lips. I’ll bet she could put them to good use.”

I sat there wondering what she meant but the three boys lighted up. “ Hey, I never thought of that. Thanks for the suggestion auntie.” 

“My pleasure, she laughed, “ or rather yours. Have a good time, boys, and don’t think I won’t be watching.”

She went into the house and each of the boys took a gin and tonic. Rob walked over and gave one to me. He looked at me entirely differently than he had before – with his cock sticking straight out. He reached down and began to slowly stroke it as he stared at me. Then the other two walked over. Rob stepped close to where I was sitting still holding his cock in his hand.” I have a snack- a sausage for you to go
with your gin and tonic”. I opened my mouth, about to say something, and he shoved his dick into my mouth. I was startled wondering what was going on. Rob began moving his hips back and forth, shoving his dick deeper and deeper into my mouth. I wanted to stop him before he choked me and put my fingers around the base of his cock . “ That’s it .Babe, help me out. Then he took it out. “ Lick it, Babe, wrap your tongue around it.” I did as I was told and when he pushed it back in he took hold of my hair and moved my head back and forth. He pushed his hips faster and faster until I felt a warm liquid running down my throat. He kept it in there until he had emptied his cock and then took it out. It immediately went limp.

“ Hey, I’m next,” said Chuck and he walked over holding his cock in his hand. This time I took ahold of it and teased it with my tongue , licking his whole cock and nipping the end with my lips. “Oh, man, you’re good “he said. That made me feel great. The first compliment I ever got. I took him deep, squeezing his cock with my lips as he moved back and forth. Oh, jeez. That feels so good ,”he groaned and then he shot his load into my throat.

Rod came next. I used all the techniques I had learned on the first two and he was thrilled. “ You may be ugly but you’re one good cocksucker” he said after we’d finished . “ Where have you been all my school years.”

Oh, God. I felt good. At last I got some respect, some appreciation for my efforts. Afterwards the boys treated me completely differently . They put their arms around me, talked about how we should get together again, invite some of their friends over for the best blow job in the county.

Wow! I had found something I was good at. Found a way to please men, found a way to make them like and respect me. I floated home on a cloud. Nothing my mother could say would touch me now.

A week went by. I wondered why none of the boys came to see me. One day I was in the drug store and there was auntie. “Hi there, “ she said, smiling knowingly .”I hear you’re quite the cocksucker. You must have had a lot of experience.”

“No, I said.” I had never done it before. But the boys seemed to like it.”

“How about you? Did you enjoy it too?”

“I never thought about that. I just wanted to please them … to give them a good time. They were so nice to me afterwards.”

“I’ll bet they were. Seen them since?

“No, they said they wanted to see me again. I suppose they’re just busy. “

“Yeah, I’m sure they are. Fucking their girl friends. You know, you’re no
beauty queen. I’d take whatever came along if I were you. Otherwise you’ll find yourself home alone every night playing with yourself. “

Time to get away from my mother and her insults. I found a small room to rent that was semi furnished. Then I looked for a job to pay my rent. I found one at a diner just around the corner. Minimum wage plus tips. I grabbed it. 

I had worked there for about a month when these two grizzly looking guys sat down at a booth. I walked over to take their orders. As I stood there writing down their orders, one of them reached under my skirt and put his hand on my panties. Shocked, I jumped back . “Damn, “he said. I was hoping you weren’ t wearing no panties.” They both roared laughing.